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Friday, April 13, 2007

Houdini deserves her own show!

Bailey, my precocious mut, seriously deserves her own tv show as an escape artist. She escapes, yes, but that's only half the story. She is a true magician. Science cannot explain how she does it. I'm thinking she is tapped into the dark arts. Here's my evidence so far:

STATE'S EXHIBIT #1


As you can see by this picture, the distance between the metal bars in the gate is exactly 4 inches. (Notice the chicken wire. Houdini's first escape attempt involved just the simple gate. For her encore, she stepped up the magic--the chicken wire was once tied to the side and bottom of the gate by stiff metal wire and was inexplicably peeled back from the corner.)

STATE'S EXHIBIT #2


This picture, which fairly and accurately represents Houdini's head, shows that her head is at least 5 inches wide. Though not pictured, the bulk of that width is a hard skull that is neither flexible nor collapsable. When one subtracts the space between the metal bars from the width of the magician's head, there is at least 1 inch of overlap remaining, or 20% of Houdini's head. Somehow 100% of her head is passing through an area only big enough for 80% of her head.

STATE'S EXHIBIT #3


The final picture taken as part of my investigation shows the girth of the illusionist's chest. As you can clearly see, her chest is just over 8 inches. If my calculations are correct, her chest is twice as wide as the gap between the metal bars in the gate. It is impossible to determine, without the aid of x-rays (or possibly an autopsy), exactly how far the rigid skeletal structure stretches across the 8 inches and how much the pliable muscle, fat, and skin extends past the bones. Based on a generous estimate that the skeletal structure extends across 90% of the width and the remaining 10% is the bendable sinew, then 7.2 inches of the breadth is not flexible or collapsible. If my calculations are correct, 56.6% of her ribs and shoulders should be able to squeeze through the 4 inch gap, while 44.4%, a length of 3.2 inches, overlaps the space available for free movement.


In candor, I must divulge that I am merely an English major and have superficial training in the science of biology and physics. But the numbers don't lie. There is no reasonable, scientific explanation for Houdini's ability to escape. My conclusion: she has sold her soul to the devil, who in turn gave her mystical powers, in exchange for the ability to explore the wide world beyond her backyard. Unfortunately for her, the devil didn't keep his promise that she could run free; for she now spends her days locked in the garage from which there has can be no escape. Or perhaps she is merely developing her next great illusion.

2 comments:

Pankratz Family said...

Wow! Quite the dog, and quite the English major! That was fun to read! :)

K&B Brown said...

I can attest to the abilities of this dog. I remember when you lived in Waco, you had gone somewhere and left Deena in charge of the dogs. She got out and we had to search for the escape point. She is amazing.